The Return of the Caveman Movie or 10,000 B.S.?
March 13, 2008 – 10:33 pmYesterday afternoon I attended a matinée showing of 10,000 B.C. at the local multiplex. Okay, is was the Regal theater on Westgate (maybe they’ll give me some free passes). Before I go on, why do I pay at the Regal? 
These guys never check your ticket inside the lobby and since they don’t force you to go in to the lobby immediately after purchasing a ticket, there is no reason to suspect you don’t have a ticket when you just waltz in pass the ticket booth. Oh well, I guess I’m just a sucker. Anyway, I went to the 5:10 showing and found the theater totally empty. Should this surprise me? I don’t really know if caveman movies are all the rage with the kids what with their rock and roll and their Dan Fogelberg, but I went in with the impression that no one was really asking for a Neanderthal flick. The empty theater confirmed it. But wait, the TV said its the number 1 film in America. Was it a slow week? Do people not go to the 5:10 showing? Who can tell.
I sat through the obligatory trivia/local real estate agent ad slide show, the “First Look” 20 minute commercial, and finally got to the trailers. Good trailers can set me up for a great experience and this set didn’t disappoint. We saw the trailers for: Speed Racer (wow, colorful), Wanted (where the hell did they get that script from that comic series), Iron Man (yes, please), The Dark Knight (double yes, please), The Forbidden Kingdom (will I have a new kung fu obsession?), and Hancock (interesting). All together a nice little package of trailers. However things almost failed when the film actually started. I’ll get to that in a second, first a little plot synopsis (I won’t spoil anything that you won’t learn in the first 5 minutes, don’t worry).
10,000 B.C. is the story of a tribe of ancient hunter gatherers struggling to eek out an existence in the frozen wastes of ancient Earth (sort of). A hunter returns with a lone surviver of a slaughtered tribe; a blue eyed girl that fits in with a prophecy foretold by the tribe’s medicine woman. You know, that old chestnut. 
The rest of the film is basically CGI infested action and caveman fights. There are mammoths (I mean mannocs in the parlance of the film) and tigers. There are loads of spears and more whooping and shouting than your average super bowl party.
To be honest, I really enjoyed 10,000 B.C. and more than that, it was refreshing to see a good caveman adventure. They just don’t make them that often. That being said, I do have a few issues with the film:
- The variety and proximity of the ecoregions they live in is really wacky. They start off in the frozen wastes and walk (yes walk, like on foot) through at least 3 separate and unique ecosystems in a period of a few days or weeks. These ecoregions include frozen tundra, steaming jungle, desert wastes and Saharan plains. It’s like they live in Azeroth.
- The child actors in the beginning would have made me walk out if I saw the film by myself. They are so bad that they put a good 10 minute taint on the film after they are gone. Also am I wrong or did the girl grow up to be white?
- I won’t ruin anything, but I’ll just say certain cultures are probably not located in time or space as depicted in the film
All of this is just whinging on about trivialities. After all, what did I expect from the director of The Day After Tomorrow? Just watch the fantastic special effects, dig the awesome sound effects and watch Camilla Belle bounce around. If you want realistic, rent Quest for Fire or Clan of the Cave Bear. Don’t take it too seriously and no one gets hurt. Just remember, there may be guys like me cracking “unga-bunga” and Captain Caveman jokes in the theater.
6 Responses to “The Return of the Caveman Movie or 10,000 B.S.?”
Our Matinees cost $7.50 now. For students.
The local cinema maven, who owns all but one of the theaters in town, used to exert pressure to keep prices down- matinee was $3.50 and evening shows were $6.00. It was less, depending on the flick, at his three second-run theaters.
Until he ran for mayor and ran out his welcome with the public. When he lost by a huge margin to a Cuban who immigrated under questionable circumstances, he picked up his digs and moved elsewhere, shut down the budget houses, and left us to rot with the $9.00-$10.00 prices everyone else got used to 5 years prior.
For that price, it seems like I should get a complimentary digital download a month after the film comes out on DVD, registered via a serial number on the back of my ticket! Then I would go see the movie waaaaay more often.
(Even if they only offered that deal on opening night or something). So, is it worth seeing? How many blunts out of 7 (or whatever Rotten Tomatoes/Metacritic-friendly score) does it get? Will it be better on the big screen than the small screen?
By SteevR on Mar 14, 2008
It’s really a tough call as to if it is worth the $7.50 (I’d say not worth the $10). It was a lot of fun, if go with really low expectations and a good attitude. The big screen and surround sound really help it (but a nice home theater system is probably as good). A few beers will help. The special effects are pretty fantastic. I’ll give it a 6 out of 10 mammoth skulls.
By Ben on Mar 14, 2008
Dude! Have you seen this? The Korg DS-10!
http://kotaku.com/368208/korgs-nintendo-ds-synth-in-action
Japan only for now, but damn!
By Josh on Mar 14, 2008
That looks wicked! I wonder if you can play JP imports on the US DS. BTW, a little trivia. The title of the cart is a play on the Korg MS-10 and MS-20 synths.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Korg_MS-20
That synth was really popular with William Orbit and Air. It’s available as a VST soft synth for PC and Mac.
By Ben on Mar 14, 2008
I liked “10,000 B.C.”… probably because I wasn’t expecting it to be anything than what it was: guys running and hitting things. It seems almost comical how the movie blogs are tearing into it — “The dialogue is so bad!” — when, seriously. Come on. This is not an Altman film. This is caveman action movie.
By Erin on Mar 14, 2008
You’re not wrong, the girl grew up to be white. I did like the fact they had dialog, even if it wasn’t great. I liked “Quest for Fire” but two hours of “UGH, UGH, GRR” is gets old.
I am trying to figure a way to steal the huge “Iron Man” standee at my theater.
By Shad on Mar 21, 2008