An Open Letter to Roland

Roland, I Miss You, Baby


I know the last time we parted ways it was messy. You wanted me to love you for the crystal clarity of your 16bit/44.1K samples, but I was happier when you were grungier and less sophisticated. I know you tried to meet me halfway, and for a while I was on board during your “groovebox” phase (I know, I can’t look at the pictures either). But let’s face it, you’ve been spinning your wheels since I left you. The last time I cared, you were in that sexy black number with the Super-Saw, but you still had the D-Beams. You don’t need all that fake stuff.

Whenever I happen to see you in public, I hope that maybe you’ve gotten your act together. Maybe you’ve gone analog or you come up with some new style of synthesis. But I’m always disappointed. You’re still trying to impress the church music and home organ crowd.

When are you gonna realize you’re funkier than that? When are you gonna stop trying to please the P&W crowd and let your keys down? Let a few knobs show! Stop hiding behind your menus! Let me see that sexy bitch that could pack the club floors back in the 80s! Come on. It’s time.

Best of love,

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